One of the neat things I've learned recently is how to
distinguish where my views and beliefs come from and what that means
for my life. Some beliefs come from what
I’ve learned – from others, from reading online and off, from studies,
from listening. We’ve seen how wrong-headed these can be – like the
belief in a flat earth, the belief you could use antibiotics with
reckless abandon, the belief that making war on drugs
would lessen the drug problem in our society. OK – and the belief that
how I see things is how they are.
There are other beliefs come from a
deep, quiet knowing inside – that most quiet voice inside: my deeper
knowing (DK). That’s the one that knew
I’d likely leave my water bottle at a gathering the other night. That’s
the one that lets me know when something is really filled with
goodness. That’s the one that shows me when I’m getting off course (when
I really listen) in such a gentle way, I'm grateful for it.
The more troublesome beliefs come
from my cultural and ancestral conditioning. There’s an is-ness about
the beliefs embedded in the family and
culture we are brought up in. These beliefs seem to carry a sense of
“that’s how it is.” My views on politics, race, ethnicity, society and
religion largely come from here. All negative beliefs belong here: judgments on others, self-doubt: I'm not good enough, I can't. When one of these beliefs comes up in
me, it’s strong and loud. There is a tightness
in me around such beliefs, as if I were preparing to defend them. I
notice this in my jaw and in my solar plexus. Noticing this tightness
shows me I’m on a very superficial level of me. These are unexamined
beliefs. I didn’t carefully consider adopting them.
Because I swallowed them whole, so to speak, I’m really not open to
reason about them. At times I’ve made them part of my identity. Through
such beliefs, I’ve believed in impossible things: that our society is a
meritocracy, that our democracy is healthy and
that people in deep difficulties are somehow different from me. Likely
you could name some of your own beliefs of this sort.
What I’ve learned is that I can
test my beliefs against my own deepest knowing (DK). I can ask that DK –
is this true? If DK shrugs, then I know that
I don’t know that it’s true. Right there, I can relate
to that belief differently: I can hold it loosely, signaling to myself
and others that it can be released with no effect on me. It’s safe to
raise it with me.
I like holding beliefs loosely. I
don’t experience the tightening around any challenges to these beliefs.
I’m more open to others’ views and to
others themselves. When I’m a walking opiniator, I’m like a cactus,
warning people away.
You can test your beliefs by
bringing any one of them up for review. Is there a tightening in your
mouth or face as you consider that belief? Aha!
You’ve found one to submit to DK – your own deeper knowing. If you get a
roar in response – like “of course it’s true” – that’s not your DK.
Your DK is only the q-u-i-e-t-e-s-t voice inside. Shhh. Listen.
Holding beliefs loosely is an
immensely freeing posture. We are no longer lugging around beliefs as if
they meant something to us. We are no longer
walking land mines that warns others they need to be careful of what
they say. There’s room in us for a light curiosity about what others see
and how they arrive at that. The opinions and beliefs we've tested in
this way no longer rule us. When a belief comes
to our attention, just doing the checking is enlightening and
rewarding.
